It feels like October flew by without me hardly noticing it. Maybe it was because the weather in New York felt more like a perfect Scandinavian summer day than anything that even resembled fall, maybe because the leaves just started changing colors last week or maybe it is simply because my mind has been occupied with other things, more important things, and prevented me from noticing all the small things I normally love so much about October.
How the light gets a little softer, how this is the time when I start drinking my coffee hot again, how good it feels to put on wooly socks, light a candle, drink hot tea in the evenings, and sleep under the duvet. Now suddenly winter approaches, we put on jackets in the morning and gloves in the evening and even though we still have warm days and a month left of fall, I feel time running out in between my fingers.
I had so many things on my fall to-do list that we never got to do, that we just didn’t get around to do, couldn’t find the time to do or simply didn’t have the energy for. We didn’t get to go apple picking or pumpkin-patching or any of the other fall-things a good mother does with her children. We didn’t go camping or sailing or hiking or on any other great adventures that a good family does together. Instead we stayed close to home and spent our time doing simple things, that gave space for thoughts and reflection.
I can choose to feel like a bad mother because of all the to-do’s that were never ticked off and all the beautiful sceneries where we never went and never brought home a picture from. Or I can choose not to and just accept that were we are in our life right now doesn’t leave energy for more than a trip to the local park, a lunchbox brought to the playground and an apple bought from the local fruit stand.
Reality is, that even though we would have enjoyed a trip out of town or something different to do on a Sunday morning, half of those trips would have included upset children, a car-ride from hell, a stressed-out parent and a melt-down or two. So instead of beating myself up over all the things we didn’t do and all the places I didn’t take them, I’m going to try and sit here and enjoy the silence that comes from a sleeping baby and two cartoon-watching big sisters before we head out in all the golden leaves to finish off the fall nature journal that my daughters have to hand in to their teachers on Monday as one last goodbye to October.