• Something about motherhood, me-time and spending time apart •
Last Sunday my husband took our children out for lunch. I had decided to stay behind and do a bit of writing, take a walk and enjoy my own company. My husband will be gone for the next few weekends, and I figured that now was the time to stock up on some me-time.
But a few minutes after they had left, my maternal instinct kicked in, and I started missing both my girls intensely.
I felt like running after them, hugging them and making sure that they were both alright (which of course they were). But since I had already told them I wasn’t coming and I know how much they love spending time with their dad, I threw myself into cleaning the kitchen instead. And when that didn’t help, I decided to go for a walk in the windy weather and be alone with my thoughts.
I often realize that the thought being alone and away from my children seems more attractive than the actual alone time is. Not that I have to have my girls next to me all the time, but I’m the kind of mother who loves to have my girls close by. I feel best, knowing that I’ll be there if any of them fall, if they get into a fight or need a snack. I know them better than any other person and I feel a constant responsibility for them that doesn’t stop when they’re out of my sight or with other adults. I guess that’s what motherhood is all about. →
Before I gave birth to my first child, I had never held a baby before, and I wasn’t convinced that the concept of being a mother was anything I would enjoy or be any good at. Of course I felt my whole body drown in love as soon as I held my daughter in my arms, but it really hit me how connected I felt with that tiny human when someone that wasn’t me or my husband wanted to hold her for the first time. I remember I had to turn my face away to hide that I was crying because of the fact that she couldn’t just be there in my arms forever.
It’s not that our time together is always perfect and calm. My patience sometimes runs low, I have days where I can find them annoying, (like now, when my 3-year-old keeps pushing the keys on my computer) whiny and noisy and times when I feel I could be doing a better job as a mother. There are ups and downs, hills to climb and bridges to cross on this motherhood journey, and I’m sure it will always be that way. But listening to them play or knowing that they are safe asleep in their beds gives me a feeling of safety and a sense of belonging.